Shadi ke 3 din bad patni apne pati se:- 'Suno ji aaj se aapke bina mai nahin aur mere bin aap nahin'...

Wahi patni shadi ke 10 sal bad pati se:- 'Uth kamime aaj ya to tu nahin ya mai nahin'.

Two school girls were talking in school break.

Girl 1 : You seem worried today. whats the matter?

Girl 2 : Ya As my moms gonna marry again soon.

Girl 1 : Whats that bothering you, new relationship or new father?

Girl 2 : New father hes a famous man. I wonder how would he treat me?

Girl 1 : Whose he?

Girl 2 : Mr. Baig The famous film maker.

Girl 1  : Dont you worry Bcz He is nice man

Girl 2 : How can you say that?

Girl 1 : He was my father last month!

Interviewer to Millionaire : To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? 

Millionaire : I owe everything to my wife.

Interviewer : She must be some woman. What were you before you married her ? 

Millionaire : A Billionaire.

     10. One who requests the autorickshaw driver to drive slowly and clutches the seat-cushion nervously.

      9. One who just bought a case of Bisleri mineral water.

      8. One who gets upset if the train is only six hours behind schedule.

      7. One who is nervously gazing at the Green channel at the Customs clearance of airport.

      6. One who prefers eating fruits to Poori at the train stations.

      5. Basically, any man who is changing a baby's diaper.

      4. One who does not wait, for the coolie at the train station, and hauls his/her own 30 suitcase.

      3. One who feels embarassed to run after the railway conductor, for reservation.

      2. One who says, "say cheese" when taking a picture.

      1. One who has gained more FREQUENT FLYER mileage from trips to the toilet.

Forced Marriage - Getting green card in a month or so, should get married before that.

Forced & Hurried Marriage - Getting green card in a month and you have 2 weeks vacation.

Social Marriage - All of your friends are getting married. So you should.

Electronic Marriage - Got his/her details on Internet or BBS.

Ambitious Marriage - Marrying an MBBS girl hoping that she will buy you a Porsche/BMW after she starts earning.

Anonymous Marriage - Have seen photo, talked on phone. Engagement in your absence and getting married the next week you actually saw him/her.

Migration Marriage - You work in SF Bay, he/she works in Research Triangle. You are moving to East Coast after marriage.

Common Marriage - Marrying a B.E girl from India, and then sending her for MS.

Desperate Marriage - Watching too many movies in HBO and Cinemax.

Bored Marriage - Got H-1, don't know what to do after work.

- In Africa they didn't know what 'food' mean.

- In India they didn't know what 'honest' mean.

- In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' mean.

- In China they didn't know what 'opinion' mean.

- In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' mean.

- In South America they didn't know what 'please' mean.

- And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' mean.

In India ... 

The guy can't speak Hindi, parents of good-looking girls are 
dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there. 

Outside India. . . . 

The guy can't speak English, wears jacket all the time, 
works in a Candy store at Manhattan, dreams of owning a BMW.

Software Engineer in India: A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue consulate visa line.

Software Engineer in USA: The same hitech guy, who does Ganapati Puja every day, and says. This is my last year in the US (or wherever) every year.

You can be sure it is an NRI Desi chap when somebody:

Sends a fax with a stamp on it.

Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead,

Got locked in Furniture Shop and slept on the floor.

At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he put "Sagittarius."

Takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Studies for a blood test and fails.

Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.

Tries to drown a fish.

If you gave them a penny for their intelligence, you'd get change.

Thinks socialism means parting.

Trips over a cordless phone.

Invents a solar powered flashlight.

Sells the car for gas money

Bengali:

One Bengali is a poet.
Two Bengalis is a film society.
Three Bengalis is a political party.
Four Bengalis is two political parties.

Bihari:

One Bihari is Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis is a booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis is a caste killing.
Four Biharis is the entire literate population of Patna.

Punjabi:

One Punjabi is a 100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis is a Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis is an assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis is a combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu:

One Mallu is a coconut stall.
Two Mallus is a boat race.
Three Mallus is a Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus is an oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya:

One UP bhaiyya is a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas is a halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas is a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas is a mosque-destruction squad.

Gujju:

One Gujju is a share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus is a rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus is Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus is a stock market scam.